You Used To Be My Everything But Now

You were light.

A perfectly painted picture,
each stroke of the brush reflected and highlighted in your eyes.

I asked for you, but I wasn’t specific enough.
I wanted all your goodness, but couldn’t accept the darkness.
You took my breath away with both your charm and your cruelty.

And I was intoxicated. When I wasn’t high on you, I was high on alcohol
To numb my insecurities and pain.
I loved you and the idea of you.
When you planted seeds within me I became obsessed.
Every word was liquid sugar dripping from your lips.
I was blinded by the bond we shared when no one else was around.
Every inch of my skin would feel as though it was being
Pulled like a magnet to you.
And those eyes, God those eyes.

Over time your face changed. Your hands gripped too hard.
Blue became black; empty and cold.
Concrete sealed the space between us.

You left me alone when I needed you most.
When we needed each other most.
I hit the wall until my hands bleed, but it wouldn’t budge.
The last time we became one, I think I carried my shoes out your door.
I cried the whole way home.
I stared out into the bleakness of the night and felt void.
Still, I persisted. Still, I gave everything I had.
I hadn’t felt special in so long.
A simple dance awakened the livelihood in me that you took away.

It was nothing to me but a reminder that I was still me
Even when I couldn’t prove that to you.
But to you it was a betrayal. To you, it was unforgivable.

I didn’t argue when you found out. I knew what
You would do. I also knew that it wasn’t your choice anymore.
You sealed the concrete, not me.
You were light.
Now you are gray, a shade of confusion.
A blank canvas with a painter that can’t pick up the brush. 

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